Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
