So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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