im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Im part way to drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
