I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
