Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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