yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
