ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Randomize
