I have demons in me.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
