This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
