"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
