I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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