my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
