i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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