I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Randomize
