I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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