you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
