Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
