we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
