She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
