I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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