Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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