I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She bit a glass in half.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
