why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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