Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
