So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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