she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
