Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
