aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
