Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
