I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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