You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
