Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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