...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
