party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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