the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize