I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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