I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
