Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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