She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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