i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I touched a dick in church today
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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