I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
