you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
