I feel great
I just peed on a car
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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