It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
