Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
