i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
