i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
