So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
