You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
