Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
