i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
