Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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