I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
