Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Dicks are not precious.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
