Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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