I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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