do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
