Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
