there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
