my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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