cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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