went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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