My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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