oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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