Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
