In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
