You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
