I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
