My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
