I just saw a hot homeless man
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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