How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
