Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
