Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how can u be prego again
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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