it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
