wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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