Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize