Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i can't believe i had my finger in that
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
