I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
