Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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