Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
