are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
