the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
