you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
