I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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